In Bed
by musicismyedward
Summary: What happens when the Cullens decide to order 100 fortune cookies and crack them open one by one? Don't forget they have to add 'in bed' to the end of each fortune!
1. Chapter 1

"It's called 'in bed,'" Emmett explained

"It's called 'in bed,'" Emmett explained.

"Whoa, WHAT?!" Bella exclaimed, snapping to attention.

"'In Bed,'" Emmett said again. "We're going to call a Chinese restaurant, order a 100 fortune cookies, and come back here and read them."

"Ok...How does that have ANYTHING to do with 'in bed?'"

"Because," Rosalie began, "you read the cookie's fortune and at the end of it you say 'in bed.' It's tons of fun! The guys normally do this on a guys-night-out, but this time they decided to let us come. Naturally, Esme and Carlisle do not participate."

_Bella's gonna think you're all crazy…_Carlisle thought, flashing me a look.

"That sounds like fun!" Exclaimed Bella. I flashed a snicker at Carlisle.

After they ordered the cookies, Alice having a heck of a time convincing the Chinese woman she needed a hundred cookies, we all circled up in the living room, (Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and Bella and I). We turned off the lights and put out the candles to set the mood.

"Oh! Rosalie first!" Alice exclaimed.

"Okay, but no more using your powers! Any of you!" She glared at me, "Including you."

Blah, blah. Like that would work.

_Edward…I know you can hear me…STOP! _Rosalie.

Wow, forceful thought!

"Okay," Rose cracked the first cookie and threw the scraps on the floor, keeping the paper. "'Flattery will go far tonight'…in bed." She sucked in her breath.

"So…" Emmett said, running his fingertips up her arm. "Only a little flattery tonight then, huh?" We all laughed as she smacked his hand away. Emmett definitely had more on his mind then just plain ole' flattery. He was very detailed!

Emmett reached out and grabbed one. "'Luck will be on your side tonight in bed!'" Emmett roared with laughter. He playfully reached for Rosalie saying, "Meant to be, baby," while she scooted far away from him.

_We could go upstairs…_Emmett was thinking. _We'd go to my room and leave them all down here. I'd turn out the light, turn on the music and then…_

"Whoa, buddy!" I yelped at Emmett. He beamed at me!

Jasper got one next. "A pleasant surprise is in store for you in bed." Alice's face got darker as if she were blushing. I became curious.

_Oh no, I hope he doesn't know about the new vibrated-toy I bought him. It wouldn't be a surprise then._

Ugh! TMI! Bella grabbed one, so I focused on her face. "'A secret admirer will soon send you affection in bed!'" Her cheeks flushed as she looked down.

"Better be careful tonight Bella…" Alice teased. "That Mike Newton has been really looking at you more often then necessary…" She drug out the last word with a false warning on her face.

A snarl erupted from my chest and I glared at her! _That's what you get for listening to my thoughts earlier. I saw your disgusted face!_ I hissed at her, then Bella put an arm around me.

"No worries, Edward. If he does try anything, you'll be the first to know…nor rules at all to your responsive actions…" She winked at me playfully. I kissed her then continued with the game.

Alice grabbed one next. "'Your heart will always make itself know through your words in bed…'"

"You always were a noisy partner…" Jasper teased, laughing. That got us all!

I grabbed one next, being the last to go in the first round. "'The first step to better times is to imagine them in bed.'" I was angry because it wasn't funny. But then Emmett…

"You know little bro, YOU have to imagine them to even to try to get ahead. You've haven't gotten any action before in your entire life!" Emmett boomed!

I bubbled with fury! Everyone was laughing now! Bella caught my eye in a quick glance.

It's true…

_Judging by his reaction, I guess Emmett wins the bet on whether or not him and Bella…_

_Poor guy, it is funny though._

_V-I-R-G-I-N!!_

"Okay! That's It!" I hollered, letting the fury take me. "Bella, let's go! My room! RIGHT NOW!"


	2. Chapter 2

_A little while later..._

_(Edward's P.O.V.)_

__"Bella, since you're the newest vampire, you get to choose what we do tonight for fun!!" Alice exclaimed. Renesmee was asleep back at our house and we could hear everything she did.

"You remember that game we played when I was still human?" Bella asked, looking at Emmett.

A huge smile spread across Emmett's face. "In Bed..."

"Yes!" Bella shot. "I want to play that!" Emmett shot a sly glance towards Rosalie as she glowered at him.

_Oh, please don't let Emmett get anything good. He was such a pig in bed after that night!!!_ I chuckled at Rosalie who sent her glower at me.

_I kind of want to play this time...they sounded like they had fun..._ Esme's voice in her head was soft, like she was unsure of herself.

"Hey, Carlisle, Esme, you two want to play this time??" I asked. Esme sent me a thankful look.

Carlisle looked at Esme with question in his eyes. "That sounds lovely!" Esme responded.

"I GOT THEM!" Alice yelled, charging through the door. Alice had her arms full of a bunch of fortune cookies.

"Please don't tell me those are the ones from last time!" Jasper called after Alice.

"Well...I didn't want to waste them..." Alice pouted.

"Ew!!" Rosalie shrieked, covering her nose.

"What? We don't have to eat them!!" Alice defended.

"Yeah, but we have to smell them!!" Rosalie yelled.

Alice gave her a confused look as she bent down to sniff the fortune cookies. "I don't smell anything..."

"Then what the heck is that hideous smell?" Rosalie demanded.

She shot around in a spin and snarled behind her, just in time too. Emmett and Jasper had come charging behind her, carrying a huge bucket full of gunk. They had their arms halfway raised like they were going to throw it.

"Don't you dare!" Rose hissed between her teeth.

_Aww come on! It was perfect!! I could have drenched her!! I've been collecting all this stuff for like a month now!!_ Emmett whined.

"What the heck is that??" Bella asked in disgust.

"Oh...just rotten eggs!" Jasper answered with a sly smile.

_And rat poop, and pig brains, and cow urine, and rotten mushroom, and.... _Emmett's thoughts dragged on, listing everything they had in the gunk.

"Fine, fine Rose! We won't!" Emmett soothed as he lowered his arms. _Just turn around...just turn around Rose!!_

_Trust us Rose! I'll even help you!_ Jasper thought as he sent a giant wave of trust rush through all of us.

Rosalie's body relaxed as she kept her eyes fixed on the boys. "Ok. You know you shoudln't!"

"Yes, Rose, we know!" Emmett cooed. And with that, Rosalie turned around. So quick that I barely saw it, Jasper and Emmett had gunk all over them both.

"What the??" Emmett shrieked as he and Jasper both looked down in great surprise as the rest of us burst out in great laughter.

"Did you honestly think you could get away with it that easily?" Rosalie asked. When it looked like she had been turning around, she had actually spun around and threw the gunk all over the two of them. Dang! I had been so busy listening to Jasper and Emmett's plans, I didn't think to listen to Rose. I would have stopped her. Things would have been much funnier if Rosalie was the one screeching!

"You are going to get it!!" Emmett growled at Rosalie. Rose just smiled at him as she blew a kiss at his face. _Dang she is so hot!!_

"I thought you were mad at her??" I asked Emmett.

He looked at me and smiled, then shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, what can I say?" _You haven't seen her in bed...._

I shuddered, glad that I hadn't...

"Um, can we play now?" Bella asked impatiently. Something had her nearly bouncing up and down.

I walked over to her as Esme responded, "Sure, sweetie. I want to play, too!"

I placed my hand on her shoulder and whispered, "What's with you, my love?"

She slowly looked up at me. "Just anxious for the game!" Bella answered quickly. That was her lying face...I didn't want to push her. Not until after the game atleast. "This time you can't be picked on!" Bella smiled suggestively.

I touched her face as I kissed her.

"OKAY!!" Emmett roared. Him and Jasper had already cleaned up. "Let's play!! Edward, you went last last time!! You go first this time!!"

I smiled as I reached across the room and grabbed a fortune cookie from the pile Alice had set up. "Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need...in bed."

"HA!" Emmett laughed. "You still have to work for what you want in bed?" _No wonder there isn't much noise coming from their cottage..._

I growled at him.

"Ooh, someone's getting angry already!! You going to drag Bella off again?" Jasper teased. _Haha, still the newbie!!_

"No, this time _I _will be taking _him_ away!!" Bella defended with a flirty glance my way. I smiled at her as I felt my mood rise greatly. Maybe that was why she was so anxious...

"My turn!" Emmett roared as he grabbed a fortune cookie and smashed it with two fingers. "Be prepared to accept a wondorous opportunity in the days ahead...in bed." Emmett's face got twisted into great anger as he glowered at Rosalie. "DAYS???" He yelled. "It's going to take you DAYS to do something wondorous????"

Rosalie stared him down. "Guess you shouldn't have tried to throw that gunk on me, huh?" _Jerk. Guess he gets what he deserved...too bad I had that new idea set up for tonight...._

"My turn?" Carlisle asked. We all nodded at him as he grabbed a cookie. "A member of your family will soon do something that will make you proud...in bed." Carlisle's shot up as he eyed us all.

_Guess it won't be me since I have to wait for days!!_ Emmett pouted.

_Please be Jasper!! Please be Jasper!! He's been so boring!!_ Alice.

"Whatever it is, whether I'll be proud or not, _please_ don't tell me about it!!" Carlisle demanded. Bella caught my eye and wagged her eyebrows at me.

"Go ahead, Bella!!" Alice ushered. Bella smiled as she reached to the pile and grabbed a cookie.

"The time is right to make new friends...in bed."

"Guess that Mike Newton really is going to be coming around!" Alice teased. _That's two games in a row. You better watch her!!_

All of a sudden Emmett let out a roar of laughter. _Ooh! Maybe it won't be days! Maybe I'll get my turn with Bella!!_

"I don't think so!" I snarled at Emmett.

"What?? It was just a thought..." Emmett looked at me and smiled evily. Just as I was about to lunge at him, Jasper put a restraining hand on me and sent waves of calm through me.

"You are lucky! Just you wait!" I hissed.

"I want to go now!" Esme said as she reached for a cookie. "Oh my! It says, 'Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you...in bed." Esme quickly looked down.

"Hidden talents, huh?" Alice teased.

"No! No! It's lying!" Esme insisted.

"Uh-huh..." Bella joked as she patted Esme's back.

"Someone else go!" Esme instructed.

"Jasper!!" Alice squealed in great delight.

Jasper smiled at her before reaching out to grab a cookie. "Don't forget, you are always on our minds...in bed." Jasper's face dropped as he looked at us all. "Okay, who thinks about me while they are having sex?" Jasper demanded.

"Must be Rose since its going to take her days to come up with something good!" Emmett spat.

"Hey! If she was thinking about Jasper, it would only take her a couple seconds to come up with something wondorous!!" Alice defended.

"Hah!" Emmett snorted. _Days?? Days?? Why me?? Why Days??_

Rosalie then reached out to grab one. "Look for new outlets for your own creative abilities...in bed."

Emmett let out a weird noise. "Yeah...take your time!! Come up with something good!! Cuz it's going to take you days!! DAYS!!" Emmett wailed.

_WTF?? He has major problems!!_ Jasper thought.

_Just he wait, it's going to be way more then days!!_ Rosalie hissed in her head.

"I'm the only one left!!" Alice squealed. She reached out and grabbed one. "Your ability to juggle many tasks will take you far...in bed."

"Tasks??" I asked her. "What on earth do you do while you're in bed??"

Jasper let out a dark chuckle. "Well you see!" Alice piped in. "While we are actually doing one thing..."

"STOP!!!" I yelled. "I wasn't serious!!!"

Alice glowered at me. "Well if you don't want to know, then don't ask!!"

_Wonder what she's going to do tonight? Last night she took me to pig pens!_

"PIG PENS??" I shrieked.

Jasper looked at me and chuckled. "Doesn't sound fun, but remember what the cookie said? Tasks..." Jasper trailed off suggestively. I instantly blocked out his voice.

"Uh oh!" Bella squeaked.

I looked over at her, but instantly knew what was wrong. Nessie then came zooming into the room. She looked at us all. She then looked at the pile of cookies and walked over to them curiously.

Emmett chuckled. "Grab one, and open it!"

Nessie looked at him curiously, then bent down and grabbed a cookie. She crunched it then pulled out the paper. She read, "A thrilling time is in your immediate future."

My head instantly shot up as anger coursed through my veins. "Where the hell is Jacob?" I hissed as I shot out of the door.


	3. Author's Note

Hey guys!! Sorry that took so long!! I just couldn't get it to come out right!! I still think that was a little rough, but it's an update!! If you have any good suggestions, that would be great!! And continue to review, because when I read the reviews, that's what motivated me to write more!!

Thanks you guys are awesome!!!


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